Unconditional Desire

I use to think that my physical appearance would keep my husband happy throughout our marriage. Though taking care of myself is important to him, there is more to be desired.

"As believers we must fight to maintain our desire for our spouses while they are still acting offensively toward us. It is ineffective to pray, 'change my spouse so I can get along with them'. We must start by asking God to fill us with desire to be in a relationship with our spouse before they change." (page 115, Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage)

Lord help me, I have prayed the prayer of change numerous times, but never stopped to think it has not once helped. After reading more into this chapter of Unconditional Desire, I have learned a few more interesting things.

~we must trust God to help us look past the faults of our spouse
~when our expectations are not met, our hearts get sick
~the only way to deal with disappointment is to reorient our expectations
~if we don't let the offense go, our hearts grow cold and we lose desire
~refuse to focus on your husband's bad points
~focus on positive things about your husband
~don't let your spouse think everyone else is more important
~learn to physically turn toward, intently listen and look directly at your spouse
~(pages 117-119)

Truthfully, there are times I do not and absolutely refuse to desire my husband in any way, shape or form. And I don't just mean sexually, I mean his presence overall. I would rather throw him a sleeping bag and tell him there is a nice comfortable spot behind the pool in the backyard! Being married brings many disappointments, and I know I have disappointed my husband plenty, but I can't give him this list and expect him to read it and learn something new. That would be wishful thinking. All I can do is pray that he will unconditionally desire me before I change and that I will choose not to let an offended and disappointed heart grow.